IS MODERN FEMINISM RUINING MARRIAGE

IS MODERN FEMINISM RUINING MARRIAGE

Read this story on Esheria.

Introduction

It seems that these days, whatever your gender, when asked if you are a feminist, your answer can only be damning. Say no, and regardless of your sex, you are branded a bigoted woman-hater, probably even stupid and ignorant. You think women belong in the kitchen and men are the head of the household. Say yes as a woman, and you are a bra-burning man-hater who is campaigning to “free the nipple” or show your underarm hair blinds you from real-world issues. Say yes as a man, you're instead branded as a "whipped soy boy" who is either labelling themselves as a feminist in a pathetic attempt to impress women or to obey a domineering woman already in his life. What about the vast majority of us who don’t subscribe to either of these extremes and believe that men and women, though often different in various ways, deserve to be treated equally? Sure, there are many bigots out there, as well as some misguided so-called "feminists" who mistake a movement for equality for an infantile rampage of naïve, tunnel-vision, and self-centred privilege. But I propose that most of today's alleged "gender war" is largely fuelled by semantics, definitions, and unfortunate misunderstandings.

There have been three primary waves of feminism since its beginning. The first wave fought against the absence of representation for women because they shouldn't be treated like second-class citizens.The first wave of feminism, which began in the late 19th century, was positive and gave women legal equality in American society. This was demonstrated to the foremost extent when women gained the right to vote in 1920 through the passage of the 19th Amendment. Second-wave feminism expanded the idea to include injustices women experience in all spheres of life, including the job, domesticity, marriage, and reproductive rights. This significant expansion was essential. The third wave, which is presently in motion, is focused on imposing societal change. Most people are conflicted by the third wave because it has consisted of nothing but raw hatred and false generalization against the male gender and has reduced femininity\masculinity and the existence of gender to mere “social constructs”.

Feminism has many definitions nowadays and thus I leave it to the reader to set forth how they will be defining it from this point forward. The modern feminism I attack in this thesis I define as the perspective that neither gender, but especially women, needs a family nor spouse for ultimate happiness and that the most noble goal for young individuals is the pursuit of career and educational advancement. It could also be described as a defence of the nuclear family and traditional values, much of which was corrupted by the rise of the aforementioned feminism, as will thus be further demonstrated.

One of the foremost ways that feminism’s impact on society has been visible is in regards to the trend of late marriage. In 1970, as second-wave feminism was just beginning to take root in society, the median age of marriage was 23 for men and 20.8 for women. Nearly half a century later, the median age for marriage has risen to 29.5 for men and 27.4 for women. The dating process is taking much longer as well. This was observed in 2018 by eHarmony, one of America’s most popular online-dating sites:

`Young adults are not only marrying and having children later in life than previous generations, but taking more time to get to know each other before they tie the knot. Indeed, some spend the better part of a decade as friends or romantic partners before marrying.’

Marriage, simply put, does not seem to be a priority for the coming generations, or at least, that is what the numbers would suggest. Even those who view such matrimonial developments as a positive thing have admitted a link to social changes, particularly with regards to the working woman. Many of the career ambitions and positions require extensive travel and long work hours, so women give themselves permission to focus on building themselves in their current profession, and postponing marriage and raising a family for later in life. Such views are not at all uncommon, and are in fact praised by much of society. This goes beyond career, and also gets into the ever-turbulent world of “personal development.” Many individuals in their twenties are taking more time (or so they claim) to learn themselves and experience life free from any major commitments. Even couples that are together have lessened their personal commitment to each other.So people are taking time to get secure in their careers and personal lives. I disagree with this notion and will analyse the dangerous implications of such a view later in this article.

Just as the average age of first marriage has steadily risen, likewise has the age of the first childbearing. Once again, the rise can be seen to very much parallel the introduction of feminist ideologies. In 1972, when the movement was in its infancy, the average age of first-time mothers in the USA was 21 years old, and has now risen to 26. For fathers, it has risen four years from 27 to 31. This rise becomes even starker when education is taken into account, as women with college degrees have children seven years later than those who did not attend. This should not come as a surprise, as it has already been demonstrated that the lure of a university has led more and more youth away from marriage. Children, and frankly, all other forms of responsibility go hand-in-hand. The way this phenomenon is described in modern society is nothing short of frightening. The joy of having children has become increasingly compared to other life accomplishments such as attaining a postgraduate degree, as if such vastly unequal forms of happiness are even worthy of being mentioned in the same sentence. In 1973, Roe v. Wade legalized abortion nationwide, giving young women and men a way out of the responsibility of parenthood. This has not only corrupted the family unit, but has also led to sizable gains in mental health challenges as women struggle to cope with the guilt of this action.

While it has already been clearly demonstrated that university`s increasing importance to mainstream society has been a conduit for the rising age of marriage and childbearing, the destruction brought about by higher education itself must also be examined and exposed. In our modern society, university is viewed by many as absolutely necessary for career success—and indeed, life success. This way of thinking is reflected in college enrolment across the country. Why is this so dangerous? University attendance delays marriage, delays childbearing, and for most in society, has created a cult-like attitude of imaginary dependency. A Pew Research Study based on mothers aged 40-50 found among that those who did not pursue a college degree, 84% were mothers before the age of thirty. On the other end of the spectrum, those who received apostgraduate degree only numbered 46% before thirty. Similarly, the U.S. Census Bureau found in 2010 that men and women with a high school diploma who did not pursue a college degree got married at ages 28.0 and 25.3, respectively. Those who did complete their degree were married at 29.9 and 28.4, respectively.

Going hand-in-hand with an increase in university`s importance to society is an increase in the importance of careers. Allow me to preface this by stating that having a job is not unimportant. It is essential to any unmarried individual who wants to do a productive and dignified member of society. It is also essential to anyone who is wanting to start a family. Everyone understands these things about a career, and no one disputes them. What is in dispute, however, is the importance of starting and maintaining a family at the same time as holding an occupation. Nearly half of kids growing up today do not have a parent to be a constant presence in the role of household manager. Studies have shown that having two parents working full-time has a variety of negative impacts on children, including psychological effects, behavioural changes, mood swings, and a lack of parent-child bonding.Aside from having a negative impact on children, the social implications for parents are perhaps even more concerning. A 2015 study by the Pew Research Centre found that 59% of working mothers say parenting has made it harder to advance in their career, compared to only 2 in 10 working fathers that say the same. What can be drawn from this? Is it that parenting truly gets in the way of career? I do not think so. If this was the case, we would likely see a much higher percentage of fathers who say the same. I believe what these numbers indicate that over half of mother surveyed considered their children an obstacle to other goals. This is a dangerous societal implication.Lest opponents say such a conclusion is unwarranted, there is more. The same study found that 4 in 10 working mothers say they don’t spend enough time with their kids, with roughly the same amount saying they don’t spend enough time with their spouse. I would turn these numbers on their head and say that 6 in 10 full-time working mothers believe they do spend enough time with their children. To me, it demonstrates all too clearly that we live in a society that values notoriety, money, and status far above their just roles.

Plenty of ground has been covered as to how second and third-wave feminism have spoiled the mind-set of the American youth. Whether it’s the increasing age of marriage, the delay of having children, the cult of a college degree, or the trend of two-working parents, these self-centred ideologies have only served to tarnish our society. Why then, am I to think that a more traditional approach is any better?Firstly, those who focus on their family life first are likely to be much happier in life. According to a study conducted by W. Bradford Wilcox and others, young men in their twenties were more likely than their married counterparts to battle with depression and excessive drinking. They also were far less satisfied with their life as a whole, with only 35% of those surveyed reporting high satisfaction, nearly 20% less than those who were married. Such discoveries are not only seen in men, but in women too, and there are perhaps even more striking. In his time as a psychologist, Jordan Peterson has observed four great objects which provide enjoyment, fulfilment, and purpose to most individuals: career, friends, family, and a relationship. The facts are, careers are simply not fulfilling in and of themselves. They bring no lasting joy. The best time to embark on this path is early, as studies have shown that you are most likely to have a happy marriage by getting married in your mid-twenties. And if nothing else, young marriage also has the benefits of giving couples more time to enjoy life experiences since they are not in the waning years of fertility.

Apart from all the reasons that individuals allegedly postpone marriage, family, and settling down, whether it be for reasons of financial security, career stability, or personal discovery, we all know the real reason. It is the fear of commitment, plain and simple. The fact is, if you are waiting for the perfecttime to get married, you’ll never get married. If you are waiting for the perfect time to have a child, you’ll never have a child. If you’re waiting for the perfect time to settle down, you’ll be chasing youthful passions well into your gray-haired days. Why do I say this? Because life is never perfect. There will always be an excuse. Consider John D. Rockefeller’s answer to how much money was enough: “Just a little bit more”. Those on all rungs of the economic ladder are never satisfied with their current state. Such a phenomenon of discontent is part of the human condition. This principle does not end when confronting other life decisions. If, as many have claimed, the trends of late marriage—for example—have served to help make marriages stronger, then why does a high divorce rate continue to plague society?

Conclusion

Temperance can be a convenient disguise for fear. Perhaps nowhere else is this truer than in the area of life’s greatest commitments. It doesn’t take courage to buy into the feminist movement. It doesn’t take courage to spend your whole life living as a single individual. It doesn’t take courage to pass on the chance of having children. Nor does it take courage to choose the lure of education and status over the well-being of your family. All these phenomena have skyrocketed since second-wave feminism reached America’s shores in the 1960s. Those who support and those who oppose have twisted the noble truths of equality, independence, and hard work to destroy the kind of society that can ensure these things. You wonder why our society is so divided? It’s because we’re not even united in our homes, indeed, this refuge that has existed since the dawn of humanity is on the verge of extinction.Marriage is an institution of God. It is very much a spiritual issue, and it calls us back to the service of others. It calls us to die to ourselves and lay down our lives for another individual, indeed, for individuals fruitful beyond number. This kind of life will not mesh well with the self-serving ideologies of feminism. And frankly, perhaps that is advice that more of our society needs to heed. Yes, I’ve just spent many pages discussing why we ought to get married, and I stand by every word. Nevertheless, perhaps those who do not truly understand the blessing that is marriage, childbearing, and simply living the simple life, do not deserve such a gift. So, how has feminism destroyed our society? I think to any rational individual, this ought to have become clear. Feminism takes marriage and replaces it with solitude. It takes children and replaces them with empty wombs and hearts. It takes education and turns it into a life of enslavement, and it takes careers and turns them into the purpose of life. This ideology is a poison. No society can live long when drinking it. Ladies and gentlemen, the is not masculinity, nor is it the nuclear family, nor is it the prospect of traditional gender roles. No, the toxic thing here, is modern feminism.